A beautiful sunny day, warm a little humid no storms.
I called the chiropractor first thing this morning. I am having a terrible time with stiffness in my lower right back. Probably where the hip bone is joined to the tail bone. He could see me at 10:30. So I jumped in the car and headed to the Hallmark store where I got more Thank You cards for all of those people that were so very kind during the days following my brother's death. A lare iced coffee and a bagel to get me through until lunch. The chiropractor new exactly what I was describing to him so he worked on me a bit and I will have another appointment this week. He said movement was good for it, which I was happy about because I was headed with my daughter to the pool at her condo complex. We spent the after noon floating around and relaxing.
I left her about 3:00 and passed my house and picked my husband up and off we went to the my lawyers office. A lot of legal stuff to take care due to my brother's death.
Home I am now and tired. I am going to relax on the porch.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
JUST TRYING TO KEEP BUSY
Today it was warm not not as humid as it has been. No storms in sight.
I got up early and sat on the porch with the husband and had coffee and some toast. We were invited to my cousins pool again today, this time in celebration of her daughter's 52 birthday.
So my husband and I took a quick trip to the car wash and I picked up some ham and cheese at the Italian deli just to have in case we were hungry later. Chances we would not be hungry after spending the day celebrating a birthday. I came home and made a big pan of baked beans. Another recipe from my family that I want to post some time soon. Got the beans good and hot and then we went to the pool.
Spent the entire day there floating around, eating, talking and laughing. A very good distraction and believe me if you need a distraction from something these are the people to help you with that. I sold my brother's 37" flat screen TV to my cousin's son and gave my brother's old A/C, which he wasn't even using because he had central air, to my cousin's grandson.
Came home from a busy day and relaxed on the front porch with my neighbor and a game of Scrabble. My daughter stopped by on her way home from work complaining of a cold. She was going to stay the night so mom could baby her but she remembered the cat's bowl was probably not full enough to carry her through the night so she went home.
I got up early and sat on the porch with the husband and had coffee and some toast. We were invited to my cousins pool again today, this time in celebration of her daughter's 52 birthday.
So my husband and I took a quick trip to the car wash and I picked up some ham and cheese at the Italian deli just to have in case we were hungry later. Chances we would not be hungry after spending the day celebrating a birthday. I came home and made a big pan of baked beans. Another recipe from my family that I want to post some time soon. Got the beans good and hot and then we went to the pool.
Spent the entire day there floating around, eating, talking and laughing. A very good distraction and believe me if you need a distraction from something these are the people to help you with that. I sold my brother's 37" flat screen TV to my cousin's son and gave my brother's old A/C, which he wasn't even using because he had central air, to my cousin's grandson.
Came home from a busy day and relaxed on the front porch with my neighbor and a game of Scrabble. My daughter stopped by on her way home from work complaining of a cold. She was going to stay the night so mom could baby her but she remembered the cat's bowl was probably not full enough to carry her through the night so she went home.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
START CLEARING IT OUT
Today was the day we decided to go to my brother's apartment and get started with clearing it out. It wasn't as painful as I thought, probably because if I have a large task like this I have a way of just getting to it and doing it with out thinking. I think about the most efficient way to tackle the task and how fast I can get it done.
We started in the kitchen. Clean ouot the fridge and all of the cabinets of any food. I wanted to get that done first therefore warding off any little critters. I t took an hour or so and after that I was ready to leave. I think the next step will be the clothes. I have had many offers of help with getting his furniture cleared out and also assistance from the rental office. They know of a lot of sutdents and such who are looking for used furniture.
We started in the kitchen. Clean ouot the fridge and all of the cabinets of any food. I wanted to get that done first therefore warding off any little critters. I t took an hour or so and after that I was ready to leave. I think the next step will be the clothes. I have had many offers of help with getting his furniture cleared out and also assistance from the rental office. They know of a lot of sutdents and such who are looking for used furniture.
Friday, July 9, 2010
A WONDERFUL MEAL FROM WONDERFUL FRIENDS WITH WONDERFUL RELATIVES
Another hazy, hot and humid day. Last night one of my co workers from the nursing home I use to work at dropped off some food. A baked ham, macaroni salad, potato salad and baked beans. The many visitors that I have had for the last week have dwindled and it was only my husband and I for dinner last night. So, I called my cousin and said, don't cook any dinner tomorrow night I am coming for food. This is the cousin, along with her two daughters, orchestrated the food fest for the entire week after my brother died. She is also the one with the pool.
So this morning I got up and packed everything up and got to her house about 11:30. I stored everything away for dinner time and we lounged in the pool and out of the pool. My husband came after work to join us for dinner, her two daughters were there with one of the daughter's husbands also arriving after work. Her son came after work and her other son, the one who is the priest and who officiated over my brother's funeral mass was there all day. We had a nice day and a nice meal, with no one having to cook. Thank you former co workers.
So this morning I got up and packed everything up and got to her house about 11:30. I stored everything away for dinner time and we lounged in the pool and out of the pool. My husband came after work to join us for dinner, her two daughters were there with one of the daughter's husbands also arriving after work. Her son came after work and her other son, the one who is the priest and who officiated over my brother's funeral mass was there all day. We had a nice day and a nice meal, with no one having to cook. Thank you former co workers.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
SAD NEWS WRITTEN BY MY BROTHER'S BOSS
It saddens me immensely to announce the passing or our dear friend and colleague, Thomas__________ . I guess I should mention that Tom has been with the with the Board for 30 years. However, as impressive as that tenure may seem, it pales in comparison to his impact upon all of us. For those few of you who never had the opportunity to meet Tom, it would be impossible to explain all that you missed. I once told him he was like the "Mayor of the Board" but corrected myself because his "reign" reached far beyond this agency. A more apt title might simply have been "brother"- not only to his beloved sister Belle, but to his expansive family of friends throughout the area and beyond. In my naivete as a new employee in 2005 I quickly realized most people had no idea who I was. However, once I told them my position, they would immediately respond with "Oh, you work with Tommy!" That gave me newfound credibility. Yesterday I lost that identity and it pains me beyond words.
MY FIRST DAY ALONE
Today was the first day since last Wednesday the day my brother died that I would be totally alone.
Wednesday, the day he died, no sooner did my husband daughter and I get home, my relatives started showing up and never left until late into the night. Bringing food, morale support and beautiful words about my brother.
Thursday, my husband was with me all morning as I went through the process of going to the Funeral Home to pick out a casket, writing the obituary for the newspaper and going over the plans for the wake and funeral, ordering flowers and even running to the mall to make sure I had something appropriate to wear. Then his friends started coming by my house as did my relatives again bringing dinner, morale support and beautiful words about my brother way into the late evening.
Friday, the wake. Hundreds of people were with me. Wonderful hugs and tears and an outpouring of morale support and beautiful words about my brother. I have to say, men are the best huggers. I can cry right now feeling the hugs around me. Picking Pall Bears was a very difficult thing. I started with six and had to ask the funeral director if there was anyway I could have more. He said I could have eight, I could have come up with 12. Home after the wake to more family and friends and food.
Saturday, the funeral. Hundreds of people again at the church, the cemetery. My cousin had opened up her home to me and encouraged me to invite whomever I wanted to come to her home for an after the funeral celebration of my brother's life. The priest who offered the funeral mass was my cousin and he had the directions to my cousins house printed in the program that was handed out at the mass. Food from so many people I can't even begin to remember, morale support and beautiful words about my brother.
Sunday, the aftershock. My husband and I went to my brother's apartment to start collecting his personal papers. My daughter and husband had gone to his apartment complex on Wednesday evening to pick up his car. We brought it all home and started the slow process of sorting and putting the pieces of the puzzle together that was his life. We rested when we got that much accomplished and my neighbor spent time with me just talking and playing Scrabble.
Monday, 4th of July. My cousin invited us to her home for a BBQ. We weren't going to go but we did and I am happy. Kept my mind occupied.
Tuesday. My husband was home with me and just sort of hung out. We were able to get my brother's phone/cable/internet service turned off and I worked more on his personal papers.
Wednesday, one week later. My daughter was off from work and my husband went back. So I spent the day with my daughter at her pool in her condo complex. A nice day.
That gets me to today, Thursday. I got up this morning and here I was alone. No job to go to and no one here to tell me what to do. So I puttered around the house. Put on my bathing suit and called me cousin and said I was coming to sit by her pool. She said great.
I did meet with my brother's cardiologist today and he answered some questions for me and cleared some things up in my head. Pulmonary hypertension is what I am told he had. I new that but I always assumed it was a result of too much fluid around his lungs but the fluid was a result of the pulmonary hypertension. Bottom line his lungs were under a great deal of pressure and he wasn't getting enough oxygen to them.
Tonight the girls at the nursing home where I use to work sent over dinner. A baked ham, pot salad, mac salad and baked beans.
Wednesday, the day he died, no sooner did my husband daughter and I get home, my relatives started showing up and never left until late into the night. Bringing food, morale support and beautiful words about my brother.
Thursday, my husband was with me all morning as I went through the process of going to the Funeral Home to pick out a casket, writing the obituary for the newspaper and going over the plans for the wake and funeral, ordering flowers and even running to the mall to make sure I had something appropriate to wear. Then his friends started coming by my house as did my relatives again bringing dinner, morale support and beautiful words about my brother way into the late evening.
Friday, the wake. Hundreds of people were with me. Wonderful hugs and tears and an outpouring of morale support and beautiful words about my brother. I have to say, men are the best huggers. I can cry right now feeling the hugs around me. Picking Pall Bears was a very difficult thing. I started with six and had to ask the funeral director if there was anyway I could have more. He said I could have eight, I could have come up with 12. Home after the wake to more family and friends and food.
Saturday, the funeral. Hundreds of people again at the church, the cemetery. My cousin had opened up her home to me and encouraged me to invite whomever I wanted to come to her home for an after the funeral celebration of my brother's life. The priest who offered the funeral mass was my cousin and he had the directions to my cousins house printed in the program that was handed out at the mass. Food from so many people I can't even begin to remember, morale support and beautiful words about my brother.
Sunday, the aftershock. My husband and I went to my brother's apartment to start collecting his personal papers. My daughter and husband had gone to his apartment complex on Wednesday evening to pick up his car. We brought it all home and started the slow process of sorting and putting the pieces of the puzzle together that was his life. We rested when we got that much accomplished and my neighbor spent time with me just talking and playing Scrabble.
Monday, 4th of July. My cousin invited us to her home for a BBQ. We weren't going to go but we did and I am happy. Kept my mind occupied.
Tuesday. My husband was home with me and just sort of hung out. We were able to get my brother's phone/cable/internet service turned off and I worked more on his personal papers.
Wednesday, one week later. My daughter was off from work and my husband went back. So I spent the day with my daughter at her pool in her condo complex. A nice day.
That gets me to today, Thursday. I got up this morning and here I was alone. No job to go to and no one here to tell me what to do. So I puttered around the house. Put on my bathing suit and called me cousin and said I was coming to sit by her pool. She said great.
I did meet with my brother's cardiologist today and he answered some questions for me and cleared some things up in my head. Pulmonary hypertension is what I am told he had. I new that but I always assumed it was a result of too much fluid around his lungs but the fluid was a result of the pulmonary hypertension. Bottom line his lungs were under a great deal of pressure and he wasn't getting enough oxygen to them.
Tonight the girls at the nursing home where I use to work sent over dinner. A baked ham, pot salad, mac salad and baked beans.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
MY HEART HAS A HOLE IN IT AND I AM AS SAD AS I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
The last time I made an entry on this blog I mentioned I was going to sit with my brother on a Wednesday morning while he had an intravenous lasik treatment at the hospital. He was being treated for fluid retention around his heart and lungs. Basically congestive heart failure. A number of visits to the ER and three or four days at a time spent in the hospital and they still could not figure out what was going on. He also has poor kidney function so they had to be very careful treating the fluid because it would effect the kidneys.
I left my house on Wednesday morning and went to get a quick manicure and then I headed up to the hospital to meet with him and spend the three hours it would take for the treatment. When I got to the hospital he wasn't there. The receptionist at the front lobby called the treatment area and he was not there. They didn't tell me whether he had missed his appointment or it had been changed. I wasn't too concerned, it could have been changed. So I started calling him on his cell phone and driving toward his apartment. Because he lived on the first floor, when I got there I noticed that the blinds where open and the windows. It was a cool morning so I figured he had gotten up and opened everything to get some air flow. I looked in the one window and I could see straight through to the kitchen and the other window and could see straight through to the bathroom, but I didn't see him. I called to him, range the door bell, knocked. The front door was ajar a little but the storm door on the outside of the apartment was locked so I could get in. A maintenance man came to me and asked what was going on, I told him. He immediately went to the main office of the complex and came back and told me that the manager told him to let me in immediately. He went around back of the apartment because we thought maybe my brother was in the laundry room. He came through the apartment and opened the door for me. I asked if he saw my brother and he said no. I went into his bedroom and there he was on the floor right beside the bed in the only area of the apartment where I could not see through the windows. I screamed to him. I touched his face. He was cold. I slapped him, I pounded on him, nothing. The maintenance man called the lifeguard at the pool, but we all knew there was nothing we could do. He also called 911. They came and hooked him to a heart monitor, nothing. The Medical Examiner came and it was final.
The maintenance man who was a total stranger, then became my best friend. He held me and tried to calm me while the whirlwind of activity started around us. I can still smell the fresh cut grass on his shirt, the lawn mower oil and gas and his cigarettes. He shirt was soaking wet by the time I was able to calm down. Not from sweat but from my tears. I screamed into my cell phone for my husband, who rushed to me with his very old jeep like a brand new car running a NASCAR race. I had to phone my daughter, she was at work. I spoke to one of her girls at the store and gave her a heads up. I didn't even know the young lady. I said I was sorry to have to do this to her. She was strong and brave and held my daughter's hand until my husband got there to pick her up. At this point I was alone, standing outside his apartment while the police and defective and ME did their thing. They had to take pictures, count pills and make reports. Each and everyone of them came to me a intervals to make sure I was alright and needed anything. My daughter arrived with my husband and we held each other and cried and not much longer after that the funeral director came. A very good friend of the family. He took over and I then knew I didn't have to worry about anything. I will do an entry soon about the week that followed. An amazing week with amazing people. I will never ever leave this place and the people I love and who love me. It's been one week. They say the pain will ease. I fell no easement
At some point in time I will also do an entry about my brother. It will be very long. I can't do it now.
I am meeting with his cardiologist tomorrow to try and get some closure. Because he was a heart patient his doctor agreed to sign a death certificate without and autopsy. I totally agreed.
I will also do an entry soon about the week that followed. An amazing week with amazing people. I will never ever leave this place and the people I love and who love me. It's been one week. They say the pain will ease. I fell no easement.
I left my house on Wednesday morning and went to get a quick manicure and then I headed up to the hospital to meet with him and spend the three hours it would take for the treatment. When I got to the hospital he wasn't there. The receptionist at the front lobby called the treatment area and he was not there. They didn't tell me whether he had missed his appointment or it had been changed. I wasn't too concerned, it could have been changed. So I started calling him on his cell phone and driving toward his apartment. Because he lived on the first floor, when I got there I noticed that the blinds where open and the windows. It was a cool morning so I figured he had gotten up and opened everything to get some air flow. I looked in the one window and I could see straight through to the kitchen and the other window and could see straight through to the bathroom, but I didn't see him. I called to him, range the door bell, knocked. The front door was ajar a little but the storm door on the outside of the apartment was locked so I could get in. A maintenance man came to me and asked what was going on, I told him. He immediately went to the main office of the complex and came back and told me that the manager told him to let me in immediately. He went around back of the apartment because we thought maybe my brother was in the laundry room. He came through the apartment and opened the door for me. I asked if he saw my brother and he said no. I went into his bedroom and there he was on the floor right beside the bed in the only area of the apartment where I could not see through the windows. I screamed to him. I touched his face. He was cold. I slapped him, I pounded on him, nothing. The maintenance man called the lifeguard at the pool, but we all knew there was nothing we could do. He also called 911. They came and hooked him to a heart monitor, nothing. The Medical Examiner came and it was final.
The maintenance man who was a total stranger, then became my best friend. He held me and tried to calm me while the whirlwind of activity started around us. I can still smell the fresh cut grass on his shirt, the lawn mower oil and gas and his cigarettes. He shirt was soaking wet by the time I was able to calm down. Not from sweat but from my tears. I screamed into my cell phone for my husband, who rushed to me with his very old jeep like a brand new car running a NASCAR race. I had to phone my daughter, she was at work. I spoke to one of her girls at the store and gave her a heads up. I didn't even know the young lady. I said I was sorry to have to do this to her. She was strong and brave and held my daughter's hand until my husband got there to pick her up. At this point I was alone, standing outside his apartment while the police and defective and ME did their thing. They had to take pictures, count pills and make reports. Each and everyone of them came to me a intervals to make sure I was alright and needed anything. My daughter arrived with my husband and we held each other and cried and not much longer after that the funeral director came. A very good friend of the family. He took over and I then knew I didn't have to worry about anything. I will do an entry soon about the week that followed. An amazing week with amazing people. I will never ever leave this place and the people I love and who love me. It's been one week. They say the pain will ease. I fell no easement
At some point in time I will also do an entry about my brother. It will be very long. I can't do it now.
I am meeting with his cardiologist tomorrow to try and get some closure. Because he was a heart patient his doctor agreed to sign a death certificate without and autopsy. I totally agreed.
I will also do an entry soon about the week that followed. An amazing week with amazing people. I will never ever leave this place and the people I love and who love me. It's been one week. They say the pain will ease. I fell no easement.
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