A BEAUTIFUL FALL DAY

Another beautiful day in the great Northeast. Sunny, warm high about 60.

My daughter got a late start getting off to New York City this morning. She woke up later than she wanted and wasn't sure if she was going to go and then she went. She was going to pick up cousins D and D's friend at their hotel and drive down to Soho, or is it up to Soho. Do a little shopping have lunch and then come home.

We got out early this morning and went to the apple orchard. I bought two pies. One apple, walnut caramel and one apple crumb. We got Macintosh and Delicious apples and apple cider donuts. Then we went to Lowe's to get the remaining two knobs I needed for the dresser. Came home and dropped everything at the house and then back out to grab some lunch. Came home and I had a quick game of Scrabble with y neighbor. I was going to take one of the pies to my cousin's house later but my friend who was going to come with me was not feeling. My cousin was one of the girls on our cruise as was my friend and we were going to re cap the cruise and have some laughs. We will have to do it during the week.


After our game of Scrabble my neighbor wanted to go and get some mums for her front yard, so we did that and she got some apples and corn stalks and pumpkins.

I had made a pot of chili yesterday so mealtime this evening was a breeze.

A QUICK UPDAQTE

SUNNY TODAY HIGH OF 63.
I just want to do a quick bullet of what's going on today.
. Beautiful day today, sunny and warm.
. Still wearing capri jeans and sandals.
. Screens still up on the porch but getting close to taking them down.
. Gall Bladder surgery scheduled for the 7th of Oct.
. Daughter is going to NYC tomorrow to meet cousin and her friend.
. Monday daughter is starting at a second part time job.
. Tuesday she goes to Boston for two days.
. Husband bought new shoes today.
. Shopped a little in Fresh Market today, got sushi.
. My neighbor thinks she ran over her cat last night in her driveway.
. My neighbor didn't run over her cat, he came home this morning.




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FRONT YARD FALL 2010

SURGERY

I realize that I have not updated in a while and I still need to do Vacation/Cruise Days 2-10. However, yesterday and today were very eventful days so I needed to get it documented.

I saw a surgeon yesterday about my ailing gall bladder. He is going to remove it on the 7th of October. Next week is going to be very busy.

- Monday Bella has a vet appointment at 9 am
- Tuesday I have a pre admission testing appointment which includes a chest x ray,m blood work and a consult with the anesthesiologist
- Wednesday I have an GYN appointment and a mammogram
- Thursday is the surgery

We put out the mums on Sunday, changed out the occasion flag, ran some artificial leaves along the porch railing and bought some cute spider lights for the porch railing also. So things look somewhat fall festive out in front. I put a pumpkin on the front steps with a big yello mum.

Today we had to run Buddy to the vet. He must have gotten into some sort of a fight with another animal because he had a big lump on his back that looked like an infection. The vet drained it and gave us some antibiotics for him.

VACATION/CRUISE DAY ONE

My daughter slept at our house last night so it was easy to get out and to the airport early. Day one of our vacation/cruise has started.

Everything went smoothly until we got to the security check. We had paid for early bird check in and we were assigned to Section A. We were flying Southwest and the Section A flyers get to board first because all the seats are first come first serve.


So anyway I had my driver's license out and showed it the security person and the next step was the x ray machine for our carry on stuff. When we got to that point we were told that we didn't need our ID's just the boarding pass and there was no wait in the line so I didn't want to take the time to pull my wallet out to put my ID away so I laid the ID on top of the stuff in the plastic bin that was going through the x ray machine. When the bin got to the other side I picked up my stuff; sweater, carry on bag and put my shoes on and my daughter and I went to out next stop *buck's. I opened my wallet, no license in the plastic see through window. We went back to security check, no one turned it in and it wasn't anywhere on the floors. No I was worried because all I had was my passport for ID. My daughter said that the passport was more important than a driver's license and the security guy said that I would have no problem getting back on the plane in Florida because I had a passport.

I think the sweeping rubber fins of the x ray machine must have swept the license off the top of the bin and I think it fell into the machine never to be found.

We boarded the plane not soon after that with no license. We arrived in Ft Lauderdale 1/2 hour early. I called Angie my cousin to say we had landed. She was very surprised and said that it had been pouring rain all morning and that she was going to leave right away. We went to the baggage claim and my phone rang while we were waiting. She said she had to turn around and go back home because she could not see in front of the car. She was going to send her husband Derf for us. He was closer to the airport at work. So he gets there, we meet up with him outside baggage claim and we stuffed our two big suitcases and a smaller suitcase into his little convertible car and off we go. Just as we were pulling out of the airport he says, "I don't want to scare you but it is going to rain." I thought what the hell is up with this rain; Why is it so scary. Well, I found out soon enough. Now I have been to Florida many times and I am sure it has rained while I was there, but let me tell you that it rained like sheets of water. We were on a major highway and we could not see two feet in front of the car. Scary!!!

We got to their house safely. Sat and had a relaxing lunch and then the chaos began. There were nine of us going on this trip:

1. My cousin Princess P from the city where I live
2. Our good family friend Jonie from the city where I live
3. My cousin Angie from Ft Lauderdale
4. My cousin Angie's daughter T from Ft Lauderdale
5. My cousin Angie's daughter D from Wellington FL
6. D's friend Maddy from Wellington
7. T's friend Linn from Boston
8. My daughter Izzie
9. Me

The day after we arrived D was hosting a BBQ at her house for all of us. Her husband Jon and Angie's husband Derf were going to cook and serve all of us girls. We are all contributing something to the BBQ. I was going to put together my famous White Wine Sangria. My Izzie was making Chex Party, the chocolate and peanut butter kind, and everyone else was bring something too. So I had to go the market to get the supplies I needed. Then we came home and it was time for dinner so we went out to an Italian restaurant called Pizza Time and believe me there was a lot more than pizza on the menu. When we got home Angie's son and his wife and their 4 year old came to visit. After they left we were exhausted and got to bed fairly early.

VACATION/CRUISE DAY SEVEN

Sunny and hot high around 90.

This can't be a day in the great northeast. We are in Florida. My daughter and I have been on vacation since Wednesay Tuesday September 14. That was the day that our long awaited vacation and cruise began. I am going to try to write about the vacation one day aqt a time probably one entry at a time.

Today was the first full day back from the cruise. I slept until 9. I didn't hear a sound coming from the kitchen and yet my cousin and her husband were up and had coffee already.

They are both retirement age but Derf the husband has a little sales job and Angie the wife stays at home. So after he was off to work Angie and I had the whole day ahead of us. My daughter slep until almost 11 and Angie and I just went out and ran some errands,.

We made a *buck's stop and now we are home to relax. Angie my daugher and I are very tired. Catching up from the lack of sleep on the cruise.

9/11

This is the first time I have had a blog on the anniversary of 9/11. I know everyone will be remembering today. I have not political views on this I just want to document what was going on in my life on that day and how I remember it.

I was working at a major university in the city we live in now and my daughter was starting her freshmen year. It was probably the second week of classes, it was her first time living away from home and she was in turmoil about her curriculum. It's an engineering school and she was accepted into the engineering program. I was getting a full tuition benefit as an employee so she new she had not other option but to try to find a niche at this school. That was not happening. Even though we new she could do the work and the school new that too when they accepted her into the program, it was just not her thing. She was on the verge of dropping out when my best friend who also works there told me to send her to the Learning Center. I did and they immediately put her int he Business Management program. One of the best in the country. In the end she graduated with a 3.2 GPA and did very well.

We had a TV in the conference room in our office. The staff had just gone to another building for class. I get a call from the Vice President of the University. I should say here that the school had Air Force ROTC classes and I worked for the officers and enlisted men and women of the Air Force who were assigned to teach the classes. I was the only university employee there. Dr. P. says, where is your staff. I tell him that they all just went to a Leadership Lab in another building He said turn on the TV and have one of them call me ASAP. Luckily one of my staff walked in the door and the news unfolded before us. The school went into lock down and the students were sent to their dorm rooms. Needless to say it was not a very good start to an already rocky road ahead for my daughter's first year of college.

This is what I remember of this day, in addition to coming home and not being able to take our eyes off of the TV. Like I said I have no political views on this subject and I only wish that whoever did this to us will be found and punished.

My cousin's son had a girl friend going to school in Manhattan at the time. He and the girls father jumped in their car and drove all the way until they could go no further and then got out of the car and walked all the way into the city across one of the major bridges to get her and bring her home. The superintendent of the city schools where I live lost a son and a son in law in the towers. So I terrible thing. I can't even put into words how I feel.

THREE DAYS UNTIL VACATION

Yesterday was a busy. I got up early to meet my daughter at the hair salon, she was going to have her hair lightened in streaks of light brown and a little red. She has been having her hair colored for so long we don't really know what color it was. So she is trying to get back to her roots. So she was going to be sitting waiting for color to happen for a while and she wanted some company. As it was the girl who doing her hair was alone in the salon until around 11 so she didn't need me to keep her company. I stopped in early for a minute or two and then went to the bank and *Bucks. Came back and we chatted while she finished and her girl waxed my eyebrows. We parted ways and I went and did a little more shopping for our vacation, two pair of pants and a top for $10.00. I hove this time of the year. Then I met my cousin Lois for lunch, we had a nice long lunch in a nice quite little diner in the town where she lives. Then I came home. Of curse my husband wanted to talk me out for dinner when he got home for lunch and I was in no way hungry. So we went to our quiet little restaurant on the lake and I had a bowl of Butternut Squash Sausage soup, it was delicious, but I couldn't finish it all.

LOIS

My cousin Lois was 80 years old on September 3rd. We had a party for her at my cousin Connie's house on Sunday of labor day weekend. It was a beautiful day, not too hot, not too cool and a nice breeze. No one was able to go in the water but we had a nice day.

Lois lost her parents a while ago. She doesn't have any brothers or sisters and I am the closest thing to a sister she has and she is the same for me. Even though she is as old as my father. She is more like a friend/sister than a parent/grandparent. We hang out together, shop and chat on the fun like best friends. I have told her many of my deepest thoughts and feelings and I don't know what I would have done without her many many times throughout my life. She loves chatting it up with my daughter and learning about the latest trends and hearing all about my daughter's work in a big corporation. She has been a real estate broker for many years and for a while I held a real estate sales license under her. We have had many stories to tell about the various homes we have sold over the years. Her father and my father were brothers. Her father was the oldest of the 10 and my father was the youngest, so the span in their ages explains the reasons she is so much older than me. She still owns her own Town House, a beautiful place that she has decorated to make for a very comfortable place to live.

HAPPY 80TH BIRTHDAY LOIS

ONE WEEK UNTIL THE CRUISE

It's very cool today. High of only about 67 with clouds. I love this kinds of weather though. It is my favorite time of the year.

OMG!!! It is already September 9th and I have not posted since Aug 31. The name of this post should be the same as the last "WHERE ARE THE DAYS GOING".

Today I had to get up early 6:30 AM to get to a dental appointment for 8:00 AM. It was for a cleaning and x-rays, a six month check. After that I came home and had my breakfast and then I called the chiropractor. I had a 2:00 PM appointment already on the books but I wanted to see if I could come earlier. They said 10:30 AM so I took it. And then I almost didn't make it. My cousin from Florida called. She was having trouble pre registering for the cruise we are leaving on one week from today. I had already pre registered so she knew I would be able to help her and then my neighbor wanted to chat. I left the house at 10:17 AM and just made it for 10:30.

After the appointment I decided to jump on the highway and go to the mall. There is a store in the mall where I like to buy my underwear and bras, and I thought it would be nice to have some new ones for my cruise. I stopped to see the daughter and picked up a gift for each of our cruise mates at her store. She works in a very well recognized lingerie store that carries bath products. So I got each of our cruise mates an after bath spray/mist. Seven different fragrances so they will each get a different one.

Then I took a quick trip to our new Fresh Market store. I experienced this new store last week with my daughter and I will tell you that whoever designed the layout and visuals for this store was a genius. It is like walking into a something that was made just to stimulate your eyes. The colors, the smells just wonderful. A little expensive for my taste but you can't help wanting to take all of it home. Today I got some chicken breasts already cooked. Some bulk candy and nuts, fresh baked bread and pot stickers. The pot stickers or won tons are already cooked just read to be warmed up in either the microwave or pan seared. I got them last week when my daughter and I shopped there and they were delicious.

After that I came home and had a bowl of soup and some of my neighbors homemade zucchini bread.

Yes my cruise is getting close. Today when I went shopping I got a couple of more things that were on sale to pack. We fly from home to Ft Lauderdale on Tuesday morning Sep 14. Stay with my cousin Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday a limo will pick all 9 of us up in Ft Lauderdale and take us to Miami. We will Cruise out of Miami on Thursday night. A stop in Key West and Cozumel and then bake to Miami Monday. We will stay with my cousin Monday-Wednesday and fly home on Thursday. I am excited I can't wait. After such a stressful summer it will be nice to get away.

Of all things my neighbor has decided to have her great granddaughter baptized on Sunday and she is planning this big party. I just don't have too much time to spare to help her out. I will do the best I can.

I can't believe my brother is gone almost 3 months already. I miss him terribly and I can't even describe the feelings I have when I am alone or driving my car by myself. My heart aches and I want to cry. When there are people around it is easy to forget. But I don't want to forget.

WHERE ARE THE DAYS GOING

I really don't know what I did when I worked but I can't seem to find a day when there is nothing to do.

Today I got up early to run some errands: post office, bank(s), pharmacy. Then I went next door to my neighbors to meet up her so I could go with her to the apple store. She had to take her computer in, it wasn't working and she had the great granddaughter so she needed help. Her appointment was at 10:15 we got ther just on time, we had to go all the way into the biggest mall in our area and she was carrying the comptuer. Lucikly the apple computer only consists of the monitor. We finsihed there by 11:30. I jumped in my car when we got home and met my daughter for lunch. She was off to work for 2:00. Then I had to stop by the market to get some things for dinner. We are having sauteed scallops with lemon butter garlic over rice and asparagus.

BACK TO WORK

Since my daughter bought her condo two summers ago the morgage company has offered her two re mortgages. The second one closed yesterday. The good thing about this is that there are no closing costs and her interest rate went down every time. The only bad thing is she re mortgages for 30 years so each time she looses a year. But she doesn't intend to keep the condo for 30 years so that works out in her favor.

I was all set to go with her at 100 pm but as we were driving into the parking lot at the closing location they called her and had to postpone until 3:00 pm. So we went and had some lunch and then I took her home to her house to pick up her car because I couldn't go with her at 3:00. I had a call last week from my friend a the nursing home where I use to work and she asked if I could cover the reception desk from 4:30 til 8:00 so I said yes.

It was nice to see all of my co workers again. Everyone was ver nice and many stopped by my desk to share their condolences, since they had not seen me since my brother died.

I told my friend I would be happy to cover for her whenever she needed someone.

A GUEST FOR DINNER

I connected on Facebook with a co worker I worked with a number of years ago. It has probably been about ten years ago when I last saw her. She happened to be in town for two days, today and tomorrow, so I had her over for dinner. It was fun to prepare a dish I had not tried before and thank goodness everything turned out great. I know some people might say that it was pretty gutsy of me to try a new recipe out on someone whom you haven't seen in a while, I think it was rather fun. And besides it was too simple to mess up. Chicken routlade. Chicken breats rolled up and stuffed with goat cheese, asparagus and prociutto. A side of penne pasta with a fresh, made from scratch, marinara sauce and a tossed salad. Dessert was blueberry sauce over homemade pound cake with whipped cream.

Back when I worked with her, she was single and living here with no family or friends. My husband had her over quite often for dinner and we always ended the evening with a game of Scrabble. We did the same tonight and it was like nothing ever changed. We picked up conversation almost like with had just left off the other . It was a great evening.

I had an e mail from one of my brother's closest friends and co worker. He is going to try to organize an activity like a golf tournament in honor of my brother for his birthday on April 16th of next year. I can't wait to hear what it will be. I know my brother would be so honored if this happened.

Ahhhh!! It feels good to be blogging again.

NORMAL......WHAT'S NORMAL

Well now I know what happens when you neglect your blog for more than one day. You just can't get back into the swing of blogging again. It seems overwhelming to try to put down everything you have missed. So I guess the best thing to do is just start from scratch and maybe try to recoup the stuff that has happened already as time goes on.



I ended with my last post being about the last day of my cousin's visit from Florida. She left on Monday and I think that the week that followed was filled with trying to get all of my brother's personal and financial paperwork in order. His will was finally probated and I was appointed executor. That enabled me access to all of his "stuff." Slowly but surely all of this stuff is getting settled which makes my life a little more stressful.



Speaking of stress. I think another reasons I didn't blog for the past two weeks was because I suffered from the worst back pain anyone could every imagine. It was centered at my tailbone and radiated across my right hip and sometimes even around into my stomach. I couldn't sit, stand, walk and even lying in bed was painful. the only place I got any comfort was flat on my back on the living room floor with an ice pack on my back. I saw a chiropractor first and he worked on it a couple of times. Then I saw my doctor who just prescribed hydrocodone and a muscle relaxer. I would not recommend the hydrocodone to anyone. It took the pain away, but I had to call the doctor and ask if I could take two tablets every four hours in stead of hone. He approved that. But man did it make me sick. Constipated - which I had to end up call the pharmacy to ask what they recommend for that -- two more pills -- a stool softener and a laxative. Nausea - which ended up being not a bad thing because I took off a few pounds -- just a giant Catch 22 -- I wasn't hungry so I didn't eat......I didn't eat so I was taking pills on an empty stomach which made me nauseous. At one point I ended up back at my doctor's office because the pain just wasn't' going away. He sent me for an X ray of my back and an ultra sound of my kidneys. The very next day after the test the pain was gone. Gone like no pain. What the hell was that all about. I really think it had a lot to do with stress. So that lasted a week and now things are getting back to normal. Normal, like back to I really don't know what. My whole life has been turned upside down. Two days before I was scheduled to leave my job and become a lady of leisure, at least for summer or until I got bored and needed to look for something else, my brother died. I don't think anything will ever be back to normal. NORMAL, WHAT'S NORMAL NOW.

THE VISIT PART V SUNDAY

Sunday was a beautiful day. Sunny and warm. I chose not to put my bathing suit on for the BBQ at my cousin's pool. I just wasn't in a good mood. Same as Saturday.


So we sat around the pool all day. I brought the raspberry cream pie with oreo cookie crust for dessert. Everything was delicious.

When it was time to leave I said my good byes to my cousin and her husband, they were leaving on Monday morning early to drive to Staten Island and see some friends before they boarded a plane to Florida on Tuesday afternoon.


It was a nice visit, my sadness comes from the fact that my brother wasn't her to share in all of the festivities.

THE VISIT PARK IV SATURDAY

I got up extra early this morning to make Pioneer Women's Muffins that Taste Like Donuts. They were a hit.

My cousin wanted to go to Wal*Mart this morning. I know! She wanted to see if they had any Yankee Baseball items. They live in Florida and are Yankee fans and they can't find anything there with the Yankee insignia. We went to Wal*Mart but found nothing. So I came home and picked up the remainder of the muffins and headed to my other cousin's where my cousin's husband was staying. They enjoyed the muffins too. We spent the rest of the afternoon there. She cooked a big lunch but I didn't stick around.

I was feeling kind of blue today. Missing my brother terribly. He would have been around for a lot of festivities involving my cousin's stay with us from Florida. He would have been the life of the party. He would have insisted that we have everyone to my house for a BBQ on Saturday and he would have orchestrated the whole event, but that didn't happen. They stayed where they were. He would have ordered the Famous Lunch mini hot dogs, probably about 100 of them to bring to my house for the BBQ on Saturday. That didn't happen. I went home and cried all afternoon. My husband tried to cheer me up, but that didn't happen. I waited until about 6 pm and went back to my cousin's and stayed for a while and then brought my cousin home with me for the last night with me. Tomorrow night she will stay with her sister in law, where her husband is and Monday morning they are leaving.

THE VISIT PART III FRIDAY

It was another beautiful day. Warm, sunny.

We followed our usual routine this morning. Coffee and breakfast on the porch. We had to get out of the house by 11 today. My cousin wanted to go to the mall and then we were meeting friends at the Country Club for lunch at 1:30.

We got to the mall by 11:30. She had to go to the Pandora store, her bracelet had broken, well it didn't really break, one of the charms fell off. So we did that, visited with my daughter in her store and then I went to Macy's to get some Clinque items that I had run out of .

I have been using clinque since I was a teenager. I love it. It's such a simple system. You could go crazy with all of the different products they have. I just use the soap, the clarifying lotion, the moisturizer and sometimes the makeup remover, called Take Off the Day.

After the mall we head to the Country Club, freshened up when we got there and waited in the lobby for everyone to arrive. We had drinks in the bar and got seated for lunch about two. We never left there until four. It was a very nice afternoon and the desserts were great.

My cousin's had plans to meet to different friends again this evening so I was free to relax with husband.

Our evening routine with my cousin is just as nice as the morning. We get all comfy in some lounging pj's or sweats and sit on the porch, listen the crickets, have a glass of wine and chat about the day we had. When we run out of words to say we go to bed.

THE VISIT PART II THURSDAY

The morning is my favorite part of the time when my cousin is visiting. We get up early make our coffee and go out on the porch and sit. the morning sun is just peaking around the east side of the porch, the birds are chirping and the neighbors are walking their dogs.

We sit for a while and then we have some breakfast and another cup of coffee. And then we are off to start out day.

Today we went to my daughters. My cousin has not seen my daughter condo since she was first getting it ready to move into. First we stopped at A. J. Wright to see if we could catch a bargain or two. She did, a couple of nice tops. Then we went to my daughter's, had the small tour and went to our next stop, to pick up my cousin's husband at his sister's. then to lunch. We have something that I think is more known in the northeast. It's called a Fish Fry. Because my cousins don't get them in Florida we had to make a trip the fish fry place. So we had fish fry, onion rings, french fries and one of us got a cheeseburger. After that it was back to the pool and we hung out the rest of the day. My cousin's had plans for dinner with friends so that freed my evening up for just relaxing.

THE VISIT PART I WEDNESDAY

A hot and humid day, perfect for the pool

Today was the first day of my cousin's visit from Florida.

I got up early this morning and went marketing to get what I needed for my guest. Eggs, half and half, pods for my Kuerig coffee maker, snacks etc. I was a the store by 8 and home by 9. Got home, put everything away, had some breakfast and put on my bathing suit.


Left the house just before 11 and headed to my cousin's pool. I had gotten a call from my cousin from the road. They were on their way from CT, where she had spent three days visiting her brother. Their ETA was about noon.



When I got there, of course, she was cooking food for their arrival. So I skimmed the pool, opened the umbrellas around the pool and by that time I was sooo hot. I jumped in the pool.

They arrived at about 11:40 made good time getting here from CT.

We ate, we talked, we cried (I have not seen them since my brother died).

A BUSY WEEKEND SCHEDULE COMING UP AND IT IS ONLY TUESDAY

Today started out cloudy, the sun came out and then the clouds came back. No pool today.

I had an appointment at 1:30 with my attorney. I had to sign some papers and today my brother's will will get probated.

After that we stopped at the bookstore in town to pick up the book my daughter ordered last week, had to go to the bank to deposit a check and then stopped at DD for a coolata. Came home and this is where I have been since.

My daughter wants to go to a movie tonight but I will have to wait and see when she gets out of work at 8 how she feels still about that.

I made baked ziti for dinner this morning so that was easy tonight, just a clean up.

My company arrives tomorrow from Florida so it will be a whirlwind weekend. They will drive in from CT and arrive about noon. They were in CT visiting her brother and his wife. The flew into LaGuardia in NY on Sunday and rented a car. So I will wait for them at my cousin's pool. The husband of the couple will probably stay at my cousin's who is his sister and the wife is staying with me.

We will probably have dinner all together at my cousin's tomorrow night and then on Thursday I don't know what she is going to want to do. Thursday night they have plans with friends that they knew when they lived here. Friday we have been invited to the Country Club for lunch three of my cousin's, the cousin from Florida and the friend who belongs to the Country Club. Saturday I am cooking dinner. Sunday back to the pool and a BBQ there and Monday the leave to go back to Florida.

MONDAY MONDAY SO GOOD TO ME

It started out cloudy and threatened to rain but as the day went on the day got better. 84 degrees as a high.

I got a manicure today at 9:30 and then went to visit my daughter. She has been so busy lately I hardly see her. I stopped by Walmart and picked up a couple more pillows for the beds and some fresh flowers for the guest room. On Sunday I went to the mall and picked up some body wash, body lotion and mist to put in a little basket for my guest. I will also add a new loofah and a scented candle.

When I got home my cleaning lady was at my house giving me a clean sweep to freshen things up for my guests.

The sun was shinning bright and it was warm so I took a ride to my cousin's pool and floated in the sun for a couple of hours.

My husband was mowing lawn when I got home so I started dinner. After dinner we went to visit my mother in law at the assisted living facility she lives in. She has been there a year now. It's a very long story as to how she got to live in the city where we are because she once lived two hours from us with her daughter. I will tell that story some time. She is doing ok. I have been trying to get her some new bras, but it is very difficult to buy bras for someone who can't go with you to the store to try them on and women in their 80's are very difficult to fit bras for anyway. She doesn't really even need a bra. Maybe a tight fitting t shirt or a sports type bra. But she will have nothing to do with that. She comes from old school, she wants a real bra.

BEDROOMS

The bedrooms pictured here are the three bedrooms in my house. The one with the plaid comforter is the smallest room. That hot pink and green comforter and hot pink curtains were my daughters at her condo before she got a bit more sophisticated. So not really my choice. The room with the floral wall paper is the guest bedroom. That bed use to be in the master bedroom, but when we put the new mattress on it it was too high. So we put my brother's mattress on it and moved into the guest room and put my brother's bed in the master bedroom pictures with the two different colored walls and the metal bed frame; and put the new mattress on it. This is what I have been doing all week is getting these rooms re organized.

The bed in the hot pink curtained room is not really a bed it is just a mattress set on a metal frame with no headboard. The dresser in that room was in my husband's grandparents home, we took it home when my daughter was born and painted it white. She had the cutest room, a white Jenny Lind crib and that beautiful dresser painted white for her changing table. Then when she got older we stripped the paint and go it down to this beautiful birds eye maple wood. It went with my daughter to her first apartment, second apartment and condo and now it is back with me. The rocking chair my husband bought for me as a gift before we were married.

The bedroom set in the room with the four poster bed we bought for my daughter when she moved out of her crib. I don't really like it. The drawers are too small and the lingerie dresser only hold about one bra in each drawer. The overstuffed chair my brother bought for me after he won a very large amount of money in the lottery. It was once in my living room. The wall paper my daughter picked out it came in three different pieces, the top, the border and the bottom. The cedar chest or hope chest (my mother always called it a hope chest) was my mother's. She got it right before she got married, it will be 60 years old this year. I once painted it a bright yellow with orange streaks and used in my room when I lived it home. My husband had the foresight to get it back to it's natural state when we took it with us after we were married. The quilt I bought a long time ago. I loved it and now I am being very careful with it because it is starting to wear. It has lace appliques on it and the lace is starting to come undone.

The furniture in the master bedroom was my husband's when he was growing up. We took it with us after we were married. The floral settee I bought because I absolutely loved it, it was once in my living room. the little makeup table with the lamp on it was was a desk that we picked up at a garage sale at the all girls boarding school I once worked at. The bed was my brother's. The quilt is new.

I love the way all the furniture has a history.

IT'S SATURDAY AND I AM SAD

It was a perfect Saturday in the weather department. No humidity, sunny and warm.

It's Saturday and I hate Saturdays, my brother use to stop by on Saturday's unexpectedly. Not like any other time when I knew he was coming for dinner or to do laundry. So I sit and wait for him to come. I cry everyday I am so sad. When will this every end. Or maybe I don't want to stop crying because then I will forget and I don't want to forget him.

We started out early this morning doing so errands. First we went for breakfast to our favorite little breakfast place. A greasy spoon as we use to call them. It use to be a dairy bar/soda fountain type place. Just on the outskirts of the city limits, probably attached to a dairy farm at one time. None of the dishes matched and if you sit at the counter you can watch the women make, the pancakes, waffles, corn beef hash, home fries, eggs etc. Homemade bread is served with breakfast and they use it for their sandwiches at lunchtime. The best turkey clubs anywhere and this time of the year fresh made strawberry shortcake with real baking powder biscuits and real whipped cream. Just as a side note. Why do people think that complete strangers think that everyone loves their toddlers. There was this family in the little diner letting their toddler run up and down past the people sitting at the counter. The mother is chasing the child with a look on her face, not of embarrassment or concern but one of, "oh look how cute my child is." GRRRR!!!!

Then we went to Walmart to pick up a few things. I am having guests next week from Florida, my cousin and her husband. Well he is my cousin too. It's complicated. My mother was the wife's aunt and my father was the husband's uncle. Related on both sides of my family. Anyway I got some new pillows and a new quilt for our bed. I hate comforters, my husband does too. They are really useless, they only look pretty. I also bought some water goblets. I recently sold my dishes in a garage sale and replaced them with plain white and some patterns to mix and match but I had blue water goblets that I sold with the dishes.

Then we went to the bank. Then we went to this new bakery that specializes in cupcakes. We bought a dozen. One lemon, two peanut butter, two cannoli, one called sex in the city (I have no idea), two chocolate, one orange, one pineapple and one carrot cake. They were delicious, you would not want to know what we paid for a dozen cupcakes.

We came home and had lunch and then we went for a nice long ride up into the hills around the city. We do this once in a while. There are many lakes up in the hills and we like to imagine ourselfves finding a little camp type house on one of these lakes that we could buy and live there in the summer with the hopes of winterizing it and living there all year. Of course, these little houses on the lakes never go up for sale, they are usually passed down from generation to generation. I also enjoy looking at peoples homes and their landscaping.

Spent the rest of the day on the front porch just relaxing and watching the rest of the day go by. My cousin called me from her pool and asked where I was. My husband is not a sun or pool person so I didn't want to leave him today. I had been to the pool all week so I felt I could use a day away.

SKUNK!!

It started out as a sunny morning but progressed into a cloudy day. So no pool today.

Went out for breakfast before going to the grocery store. Came home and spent the day just lounging on the front porch, a nap, three games of Scrabble and delicious dinner of grilled Terryaki chicken, green bean salad, steamed rice and my neighbor brought the dessert, overly large eclairs.

Took a nice cool shower before getting into bed and I still could not get to sleep. When I did finally fell asleep I was awaken I don't know what time to the awful smell of skunk. Tonight was the first night in about three weeks that we were able to sleep with the windows open and along with the nice fresh air and a light breeze comes the smell of skunk. It smelled like it was right under the window of the bedroom. My husband wasn't bothered by it but all I could think was that my whole house was going to smell like skunk when we get up in the morning. By the time my husband got up to go to work it was gone. Maybe I was dreaming. Luckily our hunter cat was in for the night, I would not have wanted to deal with a skunked cat in the morning.

VERY HOT VERY HUMID VERY HAZY

Busy day today.

Went to my brother's first thing this morning to get more stuff moved out. We are getting closer and closer to the end of the month.

First stopped by my daughter's with bagels, fresh fruit and cream cheese and a Starbuck's coffee to get her motivated. After we motivated ourselves we headed down to his apartment. We loaded my husband's trailer up. When I first started this project I said I was not going to bring anything home and that was one of the reasons that I got my friend, my cleaning lady, to come and help me so that I wouldn't want to bring stuff home. but it was hard to part with some things, so we but those things on the trailer today. My husband took the bed apartment and this week we will bring that home. My brother's best friends is taking his roll top desk.

We loaded up and got everything home and stored on my back porch, it will stay there until I can find a home for everything. A lot of stuff is also going to be put in a garage sale. My daughter's condo complex has a community garage sale every year so we are waiting for that.

Then we were off again to a couple of furniture stores. My husband and I need a new mattress for our master bedroom bed. My brother's bed is going in the guest room. That room only has a full size bed in it now.

We also have a third bedroom that we call "MINI ME BEDROOM". After my daughter grew out of her preteen bedroom set we moved it into the smallest of the three bedrooms and set it up exactly the way her bedroom was set up, therefore the 'MINI ME BEDROOM" tag. Same quilt, bed skirt, curtains etc. And my husband even moved the shelves that he made for her room into that room. He made three dimensional bows out of wood and used them to hold a shelf that we mounted on either side of one of the windows in her room. So the little room looks just like her room when she was little. That room also has a full size bed in it.

My daughter is also looking for a leather sectional for her condo. We found a mattress that will be delivered on Tuesday and my daughter is going to special order a leather sectional when they get the dimensions for her.

After that we had some lunch and came home and just collapsed. My daughter went to watch a movie she just bought. The second in the three part series of "Twilight". And I napped on the couch.

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY LITTLE TOMMY WANTS TO PLAY

Rain all day today.

When we were little and there would be a rainy day, an all day rainy day. My mother would sing this little nursery rhyme to us.

"RAIN RAIN GO AWAY LITTLE TOMMY WANTS TO PLAY"

I thought that that nursery rhyme was written for my brother. Wow how cool was that to have anursery rhyme written for you. Well today was that kind of day and that's all I could think about was that nursery rhyme. I am sure that mother's all over the world sang this little rhyme to their children and the names were changed to fit the child.

An e mail from my brother's boss with an attachment that listed another 81 people who gave donations in memory of my brother for our church. She will be mailing me a check for the total, I can only begin to imagine what it will be.

I can't cry in front of my husband any more. I think he thinks I am going crazy. So I cry when I am alone. I can't cry in front of my daughter she would only worry about me and she is so fragile right now I can't have her worrying. So I cry when I am alone.

I pretty productive day today. I had brought some dirty linens home from my brother's apartment. Mostly sheets and towels and a couple of nice pool/beach towels. One was a white beach/pool towel with a big Ralph Laren POLO BEAR dressed like a waiter. It must have been a gift to him because I don't believe my brother would have ever bought such a towel. When I started to sort the linens for washing I almost had to hold my breath, not because they smelled bad but because the smelled like him. So I got that laundry done today including a really big thick terry cloth bathrobe I may just keep for myself. It will be really big but the bigger the better.

I got the porch floor swept and mopped that was an accomplishment and I went through a basket of receipts and personal stuff of my own that was beginning to overflow.


Confessions of a Pioneer Woman, is a blog I read on a regular basis. She posted a recipe on her page for "Muffins that Taste Like Donuts". I made them this morning and they really do. I brought a couple to my neighbor, the one I don't play Scrabble with, she just had knee surgery. And I brought a couple to my neighbor I do play Scrabble. So I accomplished that too today. I am going to try to get to know my kitchen again. Before I quit my job and before my brother died I was getting lazy when it came to cooking. For most of my married life I have always cooked for not just my family but for people coming and going. Friends of my husband's, then friends of my daughter's, my parents, my brother, my brother's friends and so on. Always cooking for someone. My husband use to joke that one night he sat down to dinner and he was sitting next to someone he didn't even know. That may happen when you have your children's friends over for dinner but this person was an adult. It happened to be a friend of my cousin. My cousin grew up with her in this city where I live but my cousin moved to Florida so she sort of befrinded us. But then my daughter grew up and moved out, my parents died and now my brother and usually it's just my husband and me for dinner. Not that my husband doesn't enjoy my cooking. But it is so much more fun when there is a bigger audience.

Just ignore the last paragraph for a moment. We went out for dinner tonight. A little Italian place where we had a nice little Italian meal of baked ziti.

So that was the accomplishments of a rainy day.

Tomorrow I will go to my brother's apartment again and plug away at getting it emptier.

TOASTY BROWN

Sunny with a little bit of clouds and a little breeze.

I was worried that this forecast would keep my pool partners from wanting to sit by the pool or in the pool. But I contacted my cousins about 11 and she said she was going because it was hot even if there was a breeze.

I had a chiropractor appointment at 9 and I was out of there by 9:15. My back is feeling really good. I stopped by the market and picked up some pepper jack cheese for slicing and some Ritz crackers and some green grapes this was the snack I brought for sitting by the pool. I also got some back for our grilled cheese, tomato and bacon sandwiches that I planned for dinner. Then I went to the post office to get 100 stamps for my thank you notes. When I got home I cooked up the bacon so it would be ready for dinner and sliced up the cheese and put it on a plate for our pool snack, put on my bathing suit and off I went.

I had to make two calls to credit card companies. My brother had two active accounts with small balances, but I got new statements in the mail the other day for both and late charges on these accounts were not too much less than the actual balances. They are going to waive the late fees and put holds on the accounts until his will is probated and I can get a hold of some funds to pay them. The one credit card company was nice enough to tell me about two automatic withdrawals that he had for EZ Pass and for XM radio, so I have to call and cancel those accounts tomorrow.

A nice day at the pool, lots of sun. I am getting toasty brown. Probably not good but it feels great. I won't have to worry when we go on our girls cruise in September that I might burn.

YEA!!! Sunny and warm today.

I got up early this morning and puttered around the house. I contacted my cousin via facebook to tell her I was definetly going to her mother's pool at about 11:30. she wrote back that she would be there by 12. So I got some stuff done around the house and packed to go. I actually left the house at 11 but stopped at the store to pick up some snacks.

It was a nice day. Warm sun and cool water. I had to leave there by 2 to get to my brother's apartment to meet up with my cleaning lady who was going to help me pack up some stuff. We accomplished quite a bit so now I am feeling better about the task of getting his stuff out by the 31st of July.

Today was three weeks since my brother died. I haven't really had a crying spell since the weekend. They say it will get easier, but who are they and what do they know. I feel guilty when I am not sad and almost like if I am not sad then I will lose the memory of him. He was mentioned in his office newsletter. He worked for a major department in the state and the newsletter would have gone to thousands of people. there was a picture of him in a golf cart with one of his golf buddies.

A CUTE LITTLE TRAILER NOT FOR SLEEPING FOR TOWING

I was all psyched to go to the pool today. I got up early finished my thank you notes, all addressed and ready to go, did some laundry and packed my pool bag. I wanted to leave the house by 11:30. I waited and waited and the sun never came out. My husband called abouot 10 to say he was leaving work. He has biting at the bit to buy a little aluminum trailor to hook on to the back of his jeep for toting stuff and this project we have cleaning out my brother's apartment has just given him enough of an excuse to have one. So today he left work early to go get one. I told him I probably would be here when he got home because, "I am going to the pool." Yea right, I was still here when he pulled up with the new trailor. So I went at gave a look see and then made us some lunch. After lunch we packed up some empty rubbermaid containers and brought them to my brother's apartment so that the cleaning lady and I will containers to pack things in.

I did load that trailor up on the way home with some things I wanted to bring home. He had a brand new platform rocker. I always wanted one but I could never find one that look good with my decor. If the cushion colors were right the wood style and color was wrong and vise versa. So this one is just going to have to work in one of my rooms.

I was in the market the other day and I almost picked up a fresh peach pie. It sounded so good. I didn't get it and it has been calling my name ever since. So tonight after ndinner my husband and I had to run to Home Depot to get some large garbage bags to use to carry stuff to Good Will from my brother's apartment. when we left there I said lets run by the market I have to get that peach pie, it has been calling for the last few days. So I did and we had a piece with some ice cream when we got home.

My daughter stopped by on her way home from work. It really isn't on her way home but she was enticed with some homemade cooking. I had leftovers from last nights spaghetti and tonight I made the Asian Orange chicken with rice. She opted with the spaghetti when she got here. I would have too.

I am off to bed. I hope tomorrow is sunny. I want to go absorb some vitamin D.

TOO BUSY FOR THE POOL TODAY

Today hot and humid again with threats of thunderstorms.

Looking back on yesterday's post I have to wonder when this is going to get easier. They say it will get easier, it is getting harder. Does it have to get harder before it gets easier.

Last week when i went to my chiropractor he said that he asked the pastor of St. Jude's church, my cousin, to say a mass for my brother today. The mass was this morning at 8 so I went and my cousin was there with me it just so happened that the same mass was being offered for her father who died two weeks before my brother. A nice coincidence. When the "church ladies", in case you don't know the terminology, is a group of ladies that go to mass every morning the same time, realized that we were there that had to come over after mass and chat with us. They seemed to know me, I didn't know them, and they knew it was my brother whom the mass was being offered for and they recognized my cousin as the sister of the pastor. So naturally they were filled with questions. They wanted to know if Father had informed us of the church picnic in August. Of course he had not but I politely and quickly interrupted my cousin when she started to say "no", of course he told us. And, would you like to come to McDonald's with us for coffee we go every morning after the mass. My cousin gave me a look and we quickly had an excuse not to be able to go with them.

My cousin and I were able to get away fairly quickly and we got to go to DD by ourselves for a quick tall iced coffee. Then we parted ways, I to the chiropractor again and she to a doctor's appointment.

After my appointment I went to the nail salon, then to the market to pick up a few things and then home where I sat myself down and was determined to get all of m "Thank You" notes at least written and in the envelopes waiting for the addresses to be placed and then stamped and mailed.

Task accomplished, now they just have to be addressed. Just as I was catching up my husband comes in the house with the mail and three more cards for me to acknowledge.

I called my cleaning lady and asked her if she had some time to come to my brother's apartment with me and help me pack up some stuff. I think this is part of the problem why I am have these meltdowns. I keep thinking about the task and I just can't handle it. She will be an unbiased set of eyes and can easily determine what I need to hold on to and what can go. She is a real "get 'er done" kind of person and I know we can accomplish a lot in a short time. She is going to meet me there on Wednesday at 2:30 and we will work until it's done. My husband is actually the one who suggested this so I am thankful for him. She and I had already come to the conclusion that she would come and do a clean sweep when i was finished cleaning it out but now I am going to use her for this purpose too.

I made a delicious dinner. Left over sausage, peppers and onions from yesterday. So I made a meatless marinara sauce. Sauteed some garlic and chopped onions in some olive oil and added a can of whole tomatoes that I had kind of squished with my hand and a can of crushed tomatoes. I let it simmer for a couple of hours and then added the left over sausage, sliced and the peppers and onions. I cooked some linguini and that was that.

MELTDOWN 1 AND 2

Sunny and a little less humid today. We did have a major storm last night. It even halted our Scrabble game on the front porch which is unheard of. We had to finish it today. We covered the car because the reports were saying that we may get hail. Some parts of our area did, like over by my daughter's condo they had 2" hail and hail 2 inches deep on the road. We had no hail. Lots of thunder and lightening and wind and sheets of rain.

I had a major breakdown this morning. We went to the market to do our usual Sunday morning grocery shopping, picked up some fresh bagels and cream cheese, came home, put everything away, sat down with a nice tall iced coffee and had my bagel. My husband offered to go to the neighborhood bakery to get us a couple of fresh donuts so I said yest. While he was gone I went into the kitchen and opened one of the drawers that holds stuff like cookies, candy, the sweet stuff. ANTS!!! It put me over the edge. I was screaming and crying and trying to find the ant spray, all the time no one is here to hear me. I pulled everything out from under the sink to find the ant spray and by the time my husband got home I was a giant puddle of tears and frustration. It doesn't take much these days to get me to that point. He calmed me down and we cleaned everything up and went on with my day.

I made a big bowl of my famous Italian Potato salad and packed up my swimming stuff and took my salad and went to my cousin's pool. It just feels good right now to be around family. They are fun and they keep my mind occupied. My husband opted to stay home.

I swam and ate and got tanner and came home by 5. My husband grilled some Italian sausage and I sauteed some peppers and onions and we invited my neighbor over for sausage, pepper and onion sandwiches. My neighbor and I had a marathon Scrabble tournament that she won and then i went to bed.

Bedtime was another story. Another meltdown and lots of tears. I was beginning to think I was going crazy but my husband assured me I am not. I have to believe him because who else am I going to trust.

A DIFFICULT AFTERNOON

Hot and humid again today. Two entire weeks without turning off the A/C. This heat wave has been going on since the day my brother died. Really strange.

Woke up this morning and actually had not pain in my back. I usually have to walk around and sit and stand and work the pain out of my hip. I think the chiropractor is helping.

I got up early this morning to get to the hair salon for an 8:30 am appointment. My husband decided to come with me so that I didn't have to go back home to pick him up so we could go to my brother's apartment and do more cleaning out.

I got there and guess what? My appointment was for 9:30. We were going to hang out but we decided to run the car wash. Got back at 9:00 and he started my color and I was out of there by 10:00 am. Stopped by my daughter's before going to my brother's apartment. Had a nice surprise for her, a frappacinno from *buck's. Spent about an hour or so at my brother's. That's about all I can handle at this time. But I am well aware that I need to get this stuff done by the 31st of July. That is what his rent is paid until.

We grabbed some lunch at my brother's favorite greasy spoon and old time dinner/ice cream place. Really old. Still has Formica counters and tables and chairs that don't match and silverware that doesn't match and dishes that don't match. The food is excellent. I had a cheese omelet with homemade white breaded toasted and my husband had a western egg sandwich with cheese on a homemade hard roll. Then my husband ordered the homemade strawberry shortcake. Real baking powdered biscuits, warmed with fresh sliced strawberries and homemade whipped cream. You can actually watch the waitress put the whole thing together, we always sit at the counter, that's where the action is. The whipped cream is served right from the stainless steel bowl it was shipped in. It sets in a bowl of ice water to keep it cool. The strawberries are in a bigger stainless steel bowl floating around in the simple syrup that was made just for them. And the stacks of fresh made biscuits are teetering on a huge plate right there behind the counter.

I had a very difficult afternoon. Saturdays were usually the day when my brother would drop in for a quick visit. He would come up on the porch and sit himself down on his favorite rocking chair and we would have long chats. I sat looking at that chair today hoping he was sitting there again. I also received a lovely sympathy card from one of his best friends of 24 years. A female friend. Someone that I think he would have married if she had not gotten married before he could pop the question. They were still very good friends and they still shared dinners, lunches and drinks after work. She was at the wake and funeral but her card was just to let me know she was thinking of him and me and that there was a hole in heart. I know the feeling I have the same hole and it is not ever going to fill back up. She sent me her e mail address so I dropped her a note to tell her I would never forget her and that I will keep in touch.

I think my difficult afternoon had a lot to do with the fact that I didn't have anything to do. I have to keep busy in order to keep my mind off of things. Oh, believe me there are plenty of things to do around the house, but that sort of thing is not enough. I need to be with people and today it was only my husband and myself rattling around in the house and it was even too hot to sit on the porch.

Hopefully my neighbor and I can get together later for a game of Scrabble.

Hot and humid again today.

I had to run to my doctor's office this morning and get a script refilled for me and one for my husband. They were nice enough to call the pharmacy right away. I then stopped by the bakery and got a package of Italian cookies to take to the nursing home where I use to work. i was returning the dishes they sent full of food for us last Friday and my mother always told me never to return a plate empty.

I spent a little while with my old co-workers, catching up on what's been going on. I quickly stopped by the market to pick up some munchies to take with me to my cousin's house for snacking by the pool.

Another beautiful day to be floating around in the pool. My cousin's daughter was there too and her brother who is the pastor at the church where my brother's funeral was. I was able to give him the donations that my brother's boss gave me last night for the church. My cousin made up a nice lunch of a fritata and a big salad. it was a really relaxing afternoon.

Got home in time for my husband to get home from work and I made a nice dinner of sliced tomato, fresh leaf lettuce, tuna salad and cottage cheese.

DINNER WITH FRIENDS

Hot and humid again today. No end in sight.

This morning I had a 9:00 am appointment for a bone density test. It was a cinch, I have had them before, every two or three years I think.

Then an appointment with the chiropractor. That went well until I left and boy was my hip joint in a lot of pain.

I then met my daughter at the place where she bought the new rims and tires for her car. We left the car there and went back to her place to spent the afternoon in the pool. I thought the pool would help my hip but it seemed to make it worse. But I continued to keep moving it so it would not stiffen up. She picked up her car at 3:30 and I went home to get ready to meet up with my brother's boss and one of his co-workers for dinner.

It was such a pleasure to have dinner with them. They told me things about him that I never really new in the content of his work place. Such kind and loving people he worked with. As a matter of fact they collected over $700 from just one building in donations for the church where my brother's funeral was held. We asked for donations for the church in lieu of flowers. My cousin in the pastor of the church and he was amazed at the donations. He is going to buy some new vestments and have my brother's name memorialized in the robe. I can only wonder how much more in donations we will get.

Sitting the restaurant really did a job on my hip joint. When i got home I was in such pain. I had to take three tylenol to calm it down.

Got home and took three Tylenol and went to bed.

A ROAD UNKNOWN

Today was hot and humid with a threat of rain all day, no real storms though.

I had an 11 am dentist appointment for a filling. I met my daughter for coffee at about 9:30, we chatted for a while and she went home to start her day and get ready for a 2 pm to 11 pm shift at her store and I went to the dentist and came home to find my husband home from work early as a surprise. we went to our favorite fresh burrito place. I had a bowl of rice with chicken and he had tacos. I met with my brother's best friend to give him some papers from my brother's personal stuff and my husband and I stopped for an ice cream cone.

Got home and just kind of lounged. Napped on the couch for a bit then got up and tried to think of something to cook for dinner. We have a local Italian restaurant that jars there pasta sauce and sells it in the local supermarkets. It is very good, tastes more like my mom's sauce than any other jarred sauce. So I popped open a jar of that pasta sauce and cooked up a bag of frozen cavatelli and that's what we had. I didn't even make a salad, nor did we have any Italian bread with it.

After dinner my husband was such a sport. He knows I love to ride in the car so he suggested a drive up into the hills around our city. I am the type of person who loves to get lost. Now mind you, you could never get lost in this area. He however, is a cautious person, never likes to take a road he doesn't know where it goes. I love to take a road if I don't know where it goes. He was very brave last night and we drove through the hills and took roads we didn't know where they would lead. Of course we didn't get lost. The roads just lead right back down the hill. It was so relaxing and mind clearing. Some of the roads the foliage was so thick and the trees so tall that there was barely any light getting in, it was so cool. My husband I love him for this. We even drove down a paved road that lead right into a dirt road, if you don't think that made him nervous, well it did.

We got home just in time to see my neighbor heading my way for a game of Scrabble. Ahhh!!! if everyday could be like this. I know it will get better with time, this hole in my heart, but right now it is just aching so.

A/C SILL ON

Cloudy today with a chance of rain. No storms just rain. Still very humid. A/C has been on for about a week now.

I slept a little too late this morning. Almost 9 am. My cleaning lady was due today and usually she arrives around 10 so I had to hustle into the shower and I wanted to get the beds stripped. My hustling wasn't too fast though I am still being careful not to aggravated this hip joint. It was actually feeling better this morning. I think maybe the chiropractor helped. I will see him again on Thursday. The cleaning lady arrived at 10 and we chatted for a while, she also cleaned for my brother. She came to the wake but we never had a chance to talk. She also offered help with my brother's apartment and I think I may have her come after everything is cleared out to do a clean sweep so I can be assured that I will get his deposit back.

My neighbor came over to play a game of Scrabble while her great granddaughter took a nap and after the game was over, I won, I took a little nap while I waited for my husband to come home for work.

Nothing elaborate for dinner tonight. Grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and I got some fresh strawberries so we will have strawberry shortcake for dessert.

We may in fact get some of those storms overnight to night. I will keep you posted.

MORE VITAMIN D

A beautiful sunny day, warm a little humid no storms.

I called the chiropractor first thing this morning. I am having a terrible time with stiffness in my lower right back. Probably where the hip bone is joined to the tail bone. He could see me at 10:30. So I jumped in the car and headed to the Hallmark store where I got more Thank You cards for all of those people that were so very kind during the days following my brother's death. A lare iced coffee and a bagel to get me through until lunch. The chiropractor new exactly what I was describing to him so he worked on me a bit and I will have another appointment this week. He said movement was good for it, which I was happy about because I was headed with my daughter to the pool at her condo complex. We spent the after noon floating around and relaxing.

I left her about 3:00 and passed my house and picked my husband up and off we went to the my lawyers office. A lot of legal stuff to take care due to my brother's death.

Home I am now and tired. I am going to relax on the porch.

JUST TRYING TO KEEP BUSY

Today it was warm not not as humid as it has been. No storms in sight.

I got up early and sat on the porch with the husband and had coffee and some toast. We were invited to my cousins pool again today, this time in celebration of her daughter's 52 birthday.

So my husband and I took a quick trip to the car wash and I picked up some ham and cheese at the Italian deli just to have in case we were hungry later. Chances we would not be hungry after spending the day celebrating a birthday. I came home and made a big pan of baked beans. Another recipe from my family that I want to post some time soon. Got the beans good and hot and then we went to the pool.

Spent the entire day there floating around, eating, talking and laughing. A very good distraction and believe me if you need a distraction from something these are the people to help you with that. I sold my brother's 37" flat screen TV to my cousin's son and gave my brother's old A/C, which he wasn't even using because he had central air, to my cousin's grandson.

Came home from a busy day and relaxed on the front porch with my neighbor and a game of Scrabble. My daughter stopped by on her way home from work complaining of a cold. She was going to stay the night so mom could baby her but she remembered the cat's bowl was probably not full enough to carry her through the night so she went home.

START CLEARING IT OUT

Today was the day we decided to go to my brother's apartment and get started with clearing it out. It wasn't as painful as I thought, probably because if I have a large task like this I have a way of just getting to it and doing it with out thinking. I think about the most efficient way to tackle the task and how fast I can get it done.

We started in the kitchen. Clean ouot the fridge and all of the cabinets of any food. I wanted to get that done first therefore warding off any little critters. I t took an hour or so and after that I was ready to leave. I think the next step will be the clothes. I have had many offers of help with getting his furniture cleared out and also assistance from the rental office. They know of a lot of sutdents and such who are looking for used furniture.

A WONDERFUL MEAL FROM WONDERFUL FRIENDS WITH WONDERFUL RELATIVES

Another hazy, hot and humid day. Last night one of my co workers from the nursing home I use to work at dropped off some food. A baked ham, macaroni salad, potato salad and baked beans. The many visitors that I have had for the last week have dwindled and it was only my husband and I for dinner last night. So, I called my cousin and said, don't cook any dinner tomorrow night I am coming for food. This is the cousin, along with her two daughters, orchestrated the food fest for the entire week after my brother died. She is also the one with the pool.

So this morning I got up and packed everything up and got to her house about 11:30. I stored everything away for dinner time and we lounged in the pool and out of the pool. My husband came after work to join us for dinner, her two daughters were there with one of the daughter's husbands also arriving after work. Her son came after work and her other son, the one who is the priest and who officiated over my brother's funeral mass was there all day. We had a nice day and a nice meal, with no one having to cook. Thank you former co workers.

SAD NEWS WRITTEN BY MY BROTHER'S BOSS

It saddens me immensely to announce the passing or our dear friend and colleague, Thomas__________ . I guess I should mention that Tom has been with the with the Board for 30 years. However, as impressive as that tenure may seem, it pales in comparison to his impact upon all of us. For those few of you who never had the opportunity to meet Tom, it would be impossible to explain all that you missed. I once told him he was like the "Mayor of the Board" but corrected myself because his "reign" reached far beyond this agency. A more apt title might simply have been "brother"- not only to his beloved sister Belle, but to his expansive family of friends throughout the area and beyond. In my naivete as a new employee in 2005 I quickly realized most people had no idea who I was. However, once I told them my position, they would immediately respond with "Oh, you work with Tommy!" That gave me newfound credibility. Yesterday I lost that identity and it pains me beyond words.

MY FIRST DAY ALONE

Today was the first day since last Wednesday the day my brother died that I would be totally alone.

Wednesday, the day he died, no sooner did my husband daughter and I get home, my relatives started showing up and never left until late into the night. Bringing food, morale support and beautiful words about my brother.

Thursday, my husband was with me all morning as I went through the process of going to the Funeral Home to pick out a casket, writing the obituary for the newspaper and going over the plans for the wake and funeral, ordering flowers and even running to the mall to make sure I had something appropriate to wear. Then his friends started coming by my house as did my relatives again bringing dinner, morale support and beautiful words about my brother way into the late evening.

Friday, the wake. Hundreds of people were with me. Wonderful hugs and tears and an outpouring of morale support and beautiful words about my brother. I have to say, men are the best huggers. I can cry right now feeling the hugs around me. Picking Pall Bears was a very difficult thing. I started with six and had to ask the funeral director if there was anyway I could have more. He said I could have eight, I could have come up with 12. Home after the wake to more family and friends and food.

Saturday, the funeral. Hundreds of people again at the church, the cemetery. My cousin had opened up her home to me and encouraged me to invite whomever I wanted to come to her home for an after the funeral celebration of my brother's life. The priest who offered the funeral mass was my cousin and he had the directions to my cousins house printed in the program that was handed out at the mass. Food from so many people I can't even begin to remember, morale support and beautiful words about my brother.

Sunday, the aftershock. My husband and I went to my brother's apartment to start collecting his personal papers. My daughter and husband had gone to his apartment complex on Wednesday evening to pick up his car. We brought it all home and started the slow process of sorting and putting the pieces of the puzzle together that was his life. We rested when we got that much accomplished and my neighbor spent time with me just talking and playing Scrabble.

Monday, 4th of July. My cousin invited us to her home for a BBQ. We weren't going to go but we did and I am happy. Kept my mind occupied.

Tuesday. My husband was home with me and just sort of hung out. We were able to get my brother's phone/cable/internet service turned off and I worked more on his personal papers.

Wednesday, one week later. My daughter was off from work and my husband went back. So I spent the day with my daughter at her pool in her condo complex. A nice day.

That gets me to today, Thursday. I got up this morning and here I was alone. No job to go to and no one here to tell me what to do. So I puttered around the house. Put on my bathing suit and called me cousin and said I was coming to sit by her pool. She said great.

I did meet with my brother's cardiologist today and he answered some questions for me and cleared some things up in my head. Pulmonary hypertension is what I am told he had. I new that but I always assumed it was a result of too much fluid around his lungs but the fluid was a result of the pulmonary hypertension. Bottom line his lungs were under a great deal of pressure and he wasn't getting enough oxygen to them.

Tonight the girls at the nursing home where I use to work sent over dinner. A baked ham, pot salad, mac salad and baked beans.

MY HEART HAS A HOLE IN IT AND I AM AS SAD AS I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

The last time I made an entry on this blog I mentioned I was going to sit with my brother on a Wednesday morning while he had an intravenous lasik treatment at the hospital. He was being treated for fluid retention around his heart and lungs. Basically congestive heart failure. A number of visits to the ER and three or four days at a time spent in the hospital and they still could not figure out what was going on. He also has poor kidney function so they had to be very careful treating the fluid because it would effect the kidneys.

I left my house on Wednesday morning and went to get a quick manicure and then I headed up to the hospital to meet with him and spend the three hours it would take for the treatment. When I got to the hospital he wasn't there. The receptionist at the front lobby called the treatment area and he was not there. They didn't tell me whether he had missed his appointment or it had been changed. I wasn't too concerned, it could have been changed. So I started calling him on his cell phone and driving toward his apartment. Because he lived on the first floor, when I got there I noticed that the blinds where open and the windows. It was a cool morning so I figured he had gotten up and opened everything to get some air flow. I looked in the one window and I could see straight through to the kitchen and the other window and could see straight through to the bathroom, but I didn't see him. I called to him, range the door bell, knocked. The front door was ajar a little but the storm door on the outside of the apartment was locked so I could get in. A maintenance man came to me and asked what was going on, I told him. He immediately went to the main office of the complex and came back and told me that the manager told him to let me in immediately. He went around back of the apartment because we thought maybe my brother was in the laundry room. He came through the apartment and opened the door for me. I asked if he saw my brother and he said no. I went into his bedroom and there he was on the floor right beside the bed in the only area of the apartment where I could not see through the windows. I screamed to him. I touched his face. He was cold. I slapped him, I pounded on him, nothing. The maintenance man called the lifeguard at the pool, but we all knew there was nothing we could do. He also called 911. They came and hooked him to a heart monitor, nothing. The Medical Examiner came and it was final.

The maintenance man who was a total stranger, then became my best friend. He held me and tried to calm me while the whirlwind of activity started around us. I can still smell the fresh cut grass on his shirt, the lawn mower oil and gas and his cigarettes. He shirt was soaking wet by the time I was able to calm down. Not from sweat but from my tears. I screamed into my cell phone for my husband, who rushed to me with his very old jeep like a brand new car running a NASCAR race. I had to phone my daughter, she was at work. I spoke to one of her girls at the store and gave her a heads up. I didn't even know the young lady. I said I was sorry to have to do this to her. She was strong and brave and held my daughter's hand until my husband got there to pick her up. At this point I was alone, standing outside his apartment while the police and defective and ME did their thing. They had to take pictures, count pills and make reports. Each and everyone of them came to me a intervals to make sure I was alright and needed anything. My daughter arrived with my husband and we held each other and cried and not much longer after that the funeral director came. A very good friend of the family. He took over and I then knew I didn't have to worry about anything. I will do an entry soon about the week that followed. An amazing week with amazing people. I will never ever leave this place and the people I love and who love me. It's been one week. They say the pain will ease. I fell no easement

At some point in time I will also do an entry about my brother. It will be very long. I can't do it now.

I am meeting with his cardiologist tomorrow to try and get some closure. Because he was a heart patient his doctor agreed to sign a death certificate without and autopsy. I totally agreed.

I will also do an entry soon about the week that followed. An amazing week with amazing people. I will never ever leave this place and the people I love and who love me. It's been one week. They say the pain will ease. I fell no easement.

TOOTH ACHING NOT

Partly cloudy with temperatures rising towards the upper 70s. Winds W at 10 to 15 mph.

I hate it when the garbage men leave the garbage cans out in the middle of the road and I am all dressed and ready for work and I have go out there and hope that the garbage can doesn't throw up on my work clothes as I pick it up and bring it in.


We got in a game of Scrabble in last night late. My neighbor got home from her evening job about 9:30 so we were able to get a game in that lasted probably until 10:30. I lost again. I seem to be on a loosing streak. Right now from March 8th for a total of 50 games I have Won 21. Well I guess looking at those numbers on paper I am just shy of half won and half lost.

Sat on my front porch this morning, it was absolutely beautiful. No humidity like yesterday and the sun was clear and bright and there was a nice breeze. I am so looking forward to next week when I am not working anymore. I am going to try to walk in the cemetery by the house, lots of roads weaving around the big area.


At around dusk every night my husband makes and effort to get our cat Buddy in the house. He is out hunter and he loves to be outside after dark, as all cats do I am sure. However, we not only have small field animals like mice, snakes, frogs etc., we have large animals in our neighborhood like, opossum, skunks, raccoons, and deer. My husband doesn't like leaving him out, a skunk spraying would not be fun. The other night Buddy would not come. He tried enticing him with treats and he called and called and finally he was within his reach but Buddy just kept walking further and further toward the dark cemetery and my husband couldn't grab him. So my husband came in very frustrated and threw up his hands and said, "that's it, I am not letting him in later when he is ready to come in and I hope he has to stay outside all night and don't even let him in in the morning." Okay, I said, no big deal for me. Of course my husband is the one who would worry all night. Almost as bad as he would have worried when the daughter was home and coming in late. So we went to bed and Buddy was out playing with his wildlife friends. About a half an hour after we settled in bed I hear him get up. "Where are you going?" I say. He very meekly and quietly like he doesn't want me to hear him says, "I am going to see if Buddy wants to come in." I cracked up into my pillow. He comes back all happy. Buddy came in.

OMG!!!! I had a tooth pulled today. What a mess. About a month ago I noticed that there was swelling around one of my teeth and it was very sore. So I went to the dentist. He took an x ray and told me that the tooth I had a root canal done on and a crown on top was cracked and whole damn thing needed to be pulled. Imagine spending all that money on a root canal then a crown and have to pull it! I was pissed. So I had to take a 10 day course of antibiotic and today I went and he pulled it. It was not easy task. After he took the crown off he realized that the too was what he called "mush" a technical term. He chipped, drilled, scrapped and finally pulled that thing out. I'll tell you with all of the Novocain he game me I still felt pain. To tell the truth the pain from the tooth being gone is a lot less pain then the pressure of the bad tooth under that crown.

So tonight for dinner I had rice.

No work tomorrow, that's a good thing. I am going to the nail salon and then probably to the hospital to sit with my brother while he has a intravenous treatment of lasiks (that's a diuretic). They still don't know why he is retaining fluid.

TIRES AND RIMS

Widely scattered thunderstorms developing around mid-afternoon. Mostly cloudy with temperatures steady near 81F. Winds WSW at 10 to 15 mph. Chance of rain 30%.

I was looking forward to those storms today. They did not amount to a hill of beans.

Nothing exciting going on around here yesterday, Sunday. Went grocery shopping and bought the ingredients for a shrimp stir fry for dinner and I also invested in a rice steamer. I can never get my rice quite right. So I though I would try this. I don't think the rice was cooked just enough so I am going to keep experiementing. I think maybe I just didn't use enough water. Also it was a little brown on the bottom. Anyone have any clues?

Why can someone tell me why. All I seem to do all day is go around after my husband pushing the chairs in where he just sat. Kitchen at the counter, dinning room on the side he eats dinner, on the other side where he might read a magazine, on the other side where he may look at the mail, all around the dinning room table, everytime he sits he never pushes in a chair.

I worked until 1 today and came home. Checked in on my neighbor she had her grandaughter's baby all was ok there so I went home and whipped up a pan of baked ziti. My daughter was off from work today so she stopoped in to eat. My brother stopped by but he only wanted to eat the watermelon that he brought so I sliced that up and we sat on the front porch and chatted and ate watermelon.

We went with my daughter tonight to a tire store, yea that's exciting. She just bought this "new to her" used car. An Acura TL, black with black leather interior, so in the shadow of her father, he taughter her well, she wanted to put new tires and rims on it, some sort of fancy rims. Husband was all into this. So we spent about an hour at the tire and rim store, didn't even know there was such a thing. Luckily for me it was right next door to a soft ice cream place. Well not so lucky for me because of the calories involved, but lucky for me because I had somethng to look forward to. I don't really like soft ice cream, there is just something fake about it. This ice cream placed did not have hard ice cream so I had to settle, lucky for me they were able to flavor the soft ice cream, this was new to me so I had them flavor it with coffee. After the ice cream was eaten daughter was able to make a decision and the rims and tires were bought. Oh, and while we are shopping for the rims and tires, she is taking pictures of the rims and sending them off to her best girl friend and a guy she knows who lives in Conneticut via text messaging, wow the world of technology. Lucky for her the guy behind the counter was happy to be spending all this time with a pretty girl who knew a little about tires and rims.

THOSE DAMN BLUE JAYS

It was sunny this morning, but then it clouded up and we had some rain. Warm, however, around 80.

I don't particularly like birds, as a matter of fact they sort of give me the creeps sometimes. I like to watch them from a distance. The brown Cardinal is the female and the bright red one is the male. The morning doves fly together in pairs and I like their coos, etc. However the one bird I really really hate is the blue jay. It is very mean to the other birds Especially when trying to get food out of a feeder. We don't feed the birds in the summer but my neighbor does and the blue jays are constantly scaring the little birds away and hogging the feed.

This morning there were two blue jays having some sort of a fit in our back yard at about 6:30 am. And when I talked to my neighbor today she said that they woke her up too. Flying around the yard, both of them together squawking, landing on the garage roof, squawking, swooping down on the grass, squawking. I really could not tell what there problem was, but they did wake me up much too early for a Saturday.

So awake I was, jumped in the shower and dressed. My husband was already up and Adam. He is such an early riser. I think it's from years of living and working on a farm. So we started our errands early and as the morning wore on we realized we were probably too early because we had to wait in some instances for some places to open.

We stopped by Panera for a bagel and a cup of coffee, then the Pet store wasn't opened yet and neither was UPS where I had to go to mail something. So we went to have the car washed and then stopped by Walmart. That is the time to go to Walmart, very quiet. I bought my MIL a couple of things she needed like bras and socks. Picked up a container of cream cheese and some Ritz crackers. My husband bought some cheap towels to have to dry the car after the car wash and I bought a couple of towels for the bathroom for after showers. Then we went to the pet store for cat food and liter. By this time it the jewelry store where I had left my watch to get a new crystal put on, the other one cracked, was open so I could pick that up. Then we decided to go the Eddie Bauer outlet store. By this time it is 9;30, not opened. So we took a ride passed the construction project my husband is working. He took me down the new road, it look good. Then to Starbucks for a frappuccino and headed for home after getting gas. We got home and decided to run back to the Eddie Bauer store to pick husband up some new polo shirts, that was a success, they had many different colors to choose from in his size. I also picked up a couple of tops. Then we stopped at the Italian deli we love and got a sandwich to split for lunch.

The rest of the day was spent sitting on the porch, visiting with my brother who stopped by and my neighbor who stopped in and then her granddaughter and of course the granddaughter's baby.